05 September 2011

On a Damp, Cold Morning

The door swung open and Tucker ventured out just before dawn. The previous night, he had imagined what the day would be like when he awoke, what the necessary preparations would be, what the battle would require and what the squad meeting would be like afterwards. All this had been replayed in his mind, at least a hundred times.

It was damp, cold and overcast. The hour's eerie silence was broken by a tremendous roll of thunder, and rounding out the conspiracy, as if on cue, Tucker heard the supply train. It would cut off his path and slow him down by several minutes. Tucker was captain; he took his responsibility seriously. He learned the importance of honor, courage and discipline from his father. The old man was a war veteran and had played football in college. Tucker looked up to him.

As he finally made it to the dull-colored concrete building, he ran into the person everybody affectionately called the Sergeant, or Sarge. He was twice Tucker's age. The Sergeant asked him:

"You ready son?"

Tucker met the Sergeant's glance and shook his head yes. They walked together into the shadowy chasm and the door swung shut.

Painting: George Clausen (1852 - 1944)

Inspiration provided by: The Writer's Platform-Building Campaign

33 comments:

  1. Nice descriptions in this. I'm still working on mine. Ack! I thought they said we had until the 9th, but everyone is posting theirs. Gotta go write. :)

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  2. Love the father-son connection in this piece. Great job!

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  3. Very inspirational/motivational. I like the addition of the respect and genuine feeling that Tucker had for his father. No teen angst for this guy! ~ Nadja

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  4. Good analogy... there are so many similarities between combat and sports.

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  5. I love the first two paragraphs of this. Very nice.

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  6. Hi,

    Good introduction to Tucker, and nice touch re his respect for elders! Way to go in setting an example for young YA readers. ;)

    best
    F

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  7. Very nice, I especially love how he kept the values he was taught by his father. ; )

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  8. Hi Gary, I too second everyone's comments about the respect for his father, but in addition, I am liking the imagery and symbolism of the weather. Is he about to have a crossroads/life changing experience? Nice tribute to Dickens, I must say:-)

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  9. This brought back memories of high school!

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  10. Thanks all for the supportive comments. I changed the last two sentences to make the ending less certain.

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  11. Fantastic entry, Gary! Count me as a new follower! :)

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  12. Tucker sounds like someone I would like to have on my side. Well done :)

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  13. Gary, this piece has wonderful texture. The description charges that dialogue with immense power. Very nicely done.

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  14. Very nice! I love how this provided such great insight into his character. :D

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  15. Thanks for visiting my blog! I enjoyed your story. Awesome job!

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  16. Very interesting. I read it a couple times :)

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  17. Beautifully polished, professional writing. Very nicely done. Congratulations, Gary.

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  18. Even though Tucker is all amped up about what's coming, this piece had a very relaxed feel to it - it was a nice dichotomy.

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  19. I liked the tone of this. The writing style. The sentences flowed so easily and naturally that I felt right there with Tucker and Sargent.

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  20. Nice, Gary. Sounds adventurous and the story could delve further into the bond the father and son has.

    www.totsymae.com

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  21. Well done. Pulled me in from the beginning. I agree with the other comments too ref the father and son connection.

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  22. Wonderful imagery, you capture the reader right away. Enjoyed your voice as well!

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  23. You have set up such wonderful intrigue with the father/son analogy and war/sport. It's a very well polished piece of writing. Great entry.

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  24. Great descriptions. I could visualize the whole piece. Nice work!

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  25. Wonderfully descriptive, polished and touching! Very well done.

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  26. All of the above. Very well written.

    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

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  27. Loved the setting you created here. The scene between father and son is quite touching, Gary!

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